"Rules of Engagement" or "Too Many Teenagers"

Frustrated with too many of her teenage daughters (she has 4 daughters 17-20, and a 2 year old) actually at home for the summer, my friend has developed her own version of house rules that gave me such a laugh I just had to share:

Rules of Engagement
[address redacted to protect the not-so-innocent]
but the emphasis below is hers

In no particular order, here are the things that we all need to sign off on. “We” meaning anyone that has a toothbrush here. “We” are also responsible for guests

  1. No eating in/on/near me & [husband]‘s bed. It’s like crawling into a sandbox with crumb sometimes. Ick. Stop it or that room’s off-limits.
  2. Do not leave the home phone(s) outside. Or laying on the floor next to the toilet. Or kicked under the desk/couch/table. PUT IT AWAY.
  3. Also, re-set the ringer to LOW once you’re inside. If the home phone wakes up [2 year old daughter] I will beat someone with it.
  4. Please do not take my alarm clock. If you borrow it, put it back.
  5. If the central air is on, close the windows. DUH.
  6. I will start collecting money (that could go for pizza, Chinese takeout, college, etc.) for lights left on. Especially the garage and basement lights. Seriously: CUT IT OUT PLEASE.
  7. If you leave your clothes on the bathroom floor or on my bedroom floor or on the living room floor they will be donated to Goodwill.
  8. If you leave your clothes stuffed in the cushions of the couch they’ll be donated to the firepit.
  9. Please wear your own shoes. If you borrow someone else’s shoes without telling them you forfeit the right to EVER complain if you can’t find your own.
  10. Put away leftovers in plastic containers.
  11. Do not set open soda cans/cups of Gatorade/milk on a shelf in the fridge. It WILL spill, I promise.
  12. If you spill something, clean it up. Now. Not later or in a minute. NOW.
  13. Do not leave things in the backyard that will get soaked or blown away.
  14. No one is allowed to start laundry unless they’ll be there long enough to put it in the dryer. And if you put clothes in the dryer, put them in long enough to actually dry OR be around long enough to check on them and add time if they’re not dry. Washing the same load 3 times because no one transferred it or it didn’t dry thoroughly is seriously cutting into the pizza/Chinese/college funds.
  15. Towels. (This is important! Pay attention!) Hang them up to dry in the bathroom. Then, use them again. Repeat as necessary, up to 2 or 3 times. Places towels do not belong:
    1. Bathroom floor
    2. Any floor, really
    3. Draped on the computer monitor (which…what?)
    4. Rolled up against the bedroom door to block…anything. Anything at all. (Do I have your attention?)

These Rules are for the safety of yourselves and others. Compliance=Less Crazy and maybe enough money saved for more WII games or therapy or some other family-friendly endeavor.

Signed,
Management

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