Today’s Woot makes sense on so many levels. It explains everything, actually.
FROM: Dr. Reinhard Van Frightening
TO: My minions, lackeys, goons, and henchpersons
RE: Operation PowerPoint
Greetings, peons! It is I, your unquestioned master, Dr. Van Frightening! First, I want to thank Fatala and the rest of the party planning committee for a really great barbecue this past Memorial Day. An especially nice touch was roasting alive those Interpol informers we found in our ranks. The dark hallways of Castle Van Frightening always seem a little less gloomy when they ring with the screams of those who have betrayed me. And the rest of the food? I may be the super-villain, Fatala, but your banana-walnut pudding is the real threat – to my waistline, that is!
Now, on to business…evil business! As you all know, Operation PowerPoint has been underway for over 20 years now, and it’s already showing great results. Our operatives designed PowerPoint to cripple the minds of America’s decision makers by reducing their thoughts to short, bulleted lists and easily digestible chunklets of superficial quasi-information. Over time, we hoped, their ability to comprehend complex, detailed ideas would atrophy away. The most powerful men in the world’s most powerful nation would be rendered utterly unable to meet the challenges of running the economy and government. And darned if we aren’t succeeding. Just pick up a newspaper. There’s all the proof you need.
I’m pleased to announce the next phase in Operation PowerPoint. The Gyration GyroTransport Air Mouse makes it easy and fun to give presentations by allowing the victim to move the mouse around in the air like some kind of totally rad video game controller. No surface needed, no wires involved, you don’t even have to point it at the screen. And it works from up to 100 feet away. We believe this makes PowerPoint even more insidiously seductive. But that’s not all. The GyroTransport’s wireless USB transmitter doubles as a 1GB Flash drive, suitable for storing – you guessed it – PowerPoint presentations. Ain’t I a stinker?
We’ve arranged with one of our front companies in Texas to offer the Gyration GyroTransport Air Mouse with 1GB USB Drive at a discounted price of $39.99, to enhance its penetration into the nerve centers of American power. Until our campaign to have 133tsp34k adopted as the U.S.A.’s official language succeeds, this new phase of Operation PowerPoint is our best hope yet of destroying the American intellect. The day draws nearer when everyone on Earth shall squirm beneath my mailed fist. And I couldn’t do it without you guys. Thanks – and remember: it’s no accident that “insane, murderous megalomaniacal scheme” rhymes with “team”!
Warranty: One year Gyration
- Innovative gyroscopic motion-sensing technology for in-air navigation and cursor control
- Built-in 1GB Flash Memory with auto launch – Take your data anywhere
- 2.4 GHz RF technology – up to 100-foot range for cordless freedom and remote control
- GyroTools Software – Gives you greater control over your digital media, and presentations
- 2 button mouse with durable loop for key chain attachment
- Swipes feature Let’s you open web pages, scroll down menus, and navigate with just a flick of a wrist.
- Gives you freedom to move around during your presentation. You don’t have to aim the GyroTransport at your monitor to control the mouse.
In the box:
- GyroTransport Pro Air Mouse Controller
- 1GB USB Flash Drive and RF Receiver
- 1 AAA Battery
- Users Manual
Thanks for the tip, Jess